but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
