She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
