I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
