You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
