If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
