And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
