Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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