I met the friendliest cop last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
