Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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