Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
