I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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