no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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