the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
