thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
