Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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