How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
