His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
