so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
