fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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