she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
