I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
