ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
