So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize