He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize