Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
