i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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