just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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