Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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