I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
