I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
