I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
