true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
