By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
