I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
