My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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