I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize