My Higher Power is John Stamos
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
