he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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