I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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