when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
