Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
