Can i not drive my cunt home
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
