for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
