decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
