i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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