I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
