I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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