my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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