I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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