I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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