i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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