just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize