Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
