Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
