All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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