My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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