I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
