ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
