ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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