My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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