I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
