Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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