the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
