Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
