is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
