Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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