i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
