from now on my penis is your penis
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
