I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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