I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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