I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
