yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
a search helicopter?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
