Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
