You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
