His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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