i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
