The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
