Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
