hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
