We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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