Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
