I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
