This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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