can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
