Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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