I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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