As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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