omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
