??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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