she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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