Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
