I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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