I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
