1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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