RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
