Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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