she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
