yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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